


Loser's Club #5

by LaLaLaLivy



Series: The Fortunate AU [1]
Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Based On A Panic! At The Disco Song, Christine Edvardson is bab, Everyone needs a hug except Olaf and Esmé, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Kit needs a hug, Light Angst, No Christine Canigula, Other, This Is Not Going To Go The Way You Think, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, This is not BMC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 10:37:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20190895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaLaLaLivy/pseuds/LaLaLaLivy
Summary: This tape was discovered buried in the remains of the old Volunteer Fire Department headquarters in the Mortmain Mountains. Labeled, 'Loser's Club #5', it is comprised of children's voices, the same one's throughout. We have deduced that the voices belong to Countess Christine Edvardson, Julia and Klaus Baudelaire, Madeline Snicket, and Marie Snicket. We have dated this tape to approximately 19xx, when tapes like these were widely used. If this is part of a series, we have yet to find all of it.-Geraldine Julienne, The Dailey Punctilio





	Loser's Club #5

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kitsnickers](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitsnickers/gifts).

> The name 'Fredrik Olaf Edvardson' being Olaf's real name is this person's headcannon on Wattpad:   
https://www.wattpad.com/user/Jane_Walker
> 
> This is based on an au me and my friend created.

***Gavel Banging* **

Christine: Attention! Attention! Welcome to the meeting of The Loser's Club, it is a glorious and blessed occasion! Today we welcome a new member, Marie Snicket! 

***Polite Applause* **

Christine: Marie, please start with the pledge. 

Marie: I pledge allegiance to The Loser's Club, to never stop being a loser with no remorse, to never be a smidge bit regretful, the world will never be fully quiet. Amen. 

All: Amen

Julia: So, Marie, tell us about your family and why the good Christine allowed you in.

Marie: My father is always out on missions, and my mother is haunted by her past. And she's afraid of lions. 

Klaus: That's rather rough. You are allowed. 

***Polite Applause Again* **

Madeline: Now, what is the topic of today's meeting?

Christine: Today, we shall talk about V.F.D

Klaus: Again?

Christine: All of our parents were part of it. It's our job to know. Now, my parents used to be part of it, and I have a feeling my mother would've liked it better if we were part of it.

Julia: Seriously? Why? It was basically a cult.

Christine: We've discussed this before.

Marie: What?

Christine: My mother needs something to do. After me, all she has is a gigantic house and nothing to do in it.

Marie: What about your father? 

Christine: You honestly expect him to care? His family's a group of indirect misogynists. All they expect my mother to do is sit and bake and be a good wife. Ugh!

Madeline: I mean, my mother does that. She likes it. 

Christine: Your mother is not my mother. I've met Beatrice before, being a mother was always in her agenda. 

Marie: I was a gigantic accident..

Klaus and Julia: Us too! 

Madeline: Hey, same! 

*Unintelligible*

***Sounds of gavel banging again* **

Christine: Order! Order! 

Christine: *sighs* I was an accident too, everyone. But that's besides the point. What have we gathered about V.F.D so far, after last meeting? 

Madeline: My father was kidnapped by a woman named Solitude Theodora Markson. She had a mop of grey hair and lived in a town called Stained By The Sea. 

Christine: Lovely. Twins? 

Klaus: There was a schism around 30 years ago. The organization split into fire-starting and fire-fighting, pitting brother against brother and mother against child. It fizzled out, thank god, but it got really bad at one point. In fact, Madeline's mother nearly shot Christine's grandparents. 

Madeline: I knew it. I fucking knew it. 

Christine: No cursing. 

Madeline: Oh come on. 

Julia: Stop. Stop now. We're not doing this with a new member. 

Marie: Doing what? 

Klaus: It doesn't matter. 

Christine: Anywho, what else did we find out? 

Julia: My mother dated a girl. Georgina Orwell. She was a brunette optometrist who lived in a lumber-making town called Paltryville, she was rather cute. 

Klaus: You're crushing on a 40-something year old optometrist who our mom dated back when she was what-25? 28? 

Julia: Shut up- 

Klaus: Never! 

Christine: Cut it out, or you're getting suspension! 

Marie: Suspension? 

Madeline: When you fight in this club like crazy, you get 'suspension' for a certain amount of time. 

Marie: Ohhh. 

Christine: Is everyone calm? 

Klaus:....Yes? 

Christine: Good. 

Madeline: Guys, its been an hour 

Marie: Already? 

Christine: I'm going first, before the tape ends. This is Viscountess Christine Dahlia Edvardson, the leader of the Newfound Loser's Club, daughter of Count Fredrik Olaf Edvardson and Countess Katherine Snicket Edvardson, signing off. 

Madeline: This is Madeline Valerie Snicket, Co-Founder of the Newfound Loser's Club, daughter of Lemony Snicket and Beatrice Baudelaire Snicket, signing off. 

Klaus: This is Klaus Robert Jackson Baudelaire, the bibliophile of the Newfound Loser's Club, son of Bertrand Baudelaire and Esmé Gigi Genevieve Baudelaire, and the twin of Julia Ramona Allisona Baudelaire, signing off. 

Julia: This is Julia Ramona Allisona Baudelaire, the Treasurer and Entertainer of the Newfound Loser's Club, daughter of Bertrand Baudelaire and Esmé Gigi Genevieve Baudelaire, and the twin of Klaus Robert Jackson Baudelaire, signing off. 

Christine: Marie, are you ready? 

Marie: I think so.   
This is Marie Snicket, the newest member of the Newfound Loser's Club, daughter of Jacques Snicket and Olivia Caliban, signing off. 

***Pause***

Marie: What was that? 

Christine: It was nothing, now- 

Marie: If nothing was out there, than what was that noise? 

***The five children suddenly start screaming uncontrollably* **

_ The tape ends here.  _


End file.
